{"id":5381,"date":"2024-06-26T14:51:00","date_gmt":"2024-06-26T14:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.iepurasulbocanila.ro\/?p=5381"},"modified":"2026-07-07T08:51:07","modified_gmt":"2026-07-07T08:51:07","slug":"parinti-perfecti-vs-parinti-reali-ce-au-observat-profii-de-la-scoala-primara-berceni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iepurasulbocanila.ro\/en\/2024\/06\/26\/parinti-perfecti-vs-parinti-reali-ce-au-observat-profii-de-la-scoala-primara-berceni\/","title":{"rendered":"Perfect Parents vs. Real Parents: What Teachers at a Primary School in Berceni Have Observed"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are parents who set out never to make mistakes. They try to anticipate everything that could go wrong, respond calmly to every difficult moment, and always be a role model worth following.\n\nWe have met such parents at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni as well, and this has brought us joy, because we wish every child to have responsible parents who are willing to take ownership of the things within their control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children do not need perfect parents. They need real parents\u2014parents who make mistakes but know how to repair them, parents who explain what they have learned from past failures.\n\nPerfection does not educate. It may bring people closer for a while, but it does not build truly deep relationships. When you let go of the ideal of being the \u201cperfect parent,\u201d you make room for a different kind of relationship: one that is more honest, more human, and more lasting.\n\nThis approach is also encouraged and integrated into the relational education philosophy at our primary school for grades 1\u20134.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The teachers at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni are not perfect, because that would create anxiety for children.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When you try to be a flawless parent, every mistake becomes a personal failure. You no longer react naturally, but instead control every gesture, hoping that you can eliminate any form of discomfort for your child. In reality, it is precisely this rigidity that breaks the thread of an authentic relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, introduced the term\u201cgood enough parent,\u201d<\/em>explaining that small mistakes made by adults do not harm the child; on the contrary, they help the child gradually adapt to reality\u00b9. A parent who accepts imperfection does not give in to chaos, but builds a healthy relationship in which the child learns to manage real emotions and challenges, not an impossible ideal to achieve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You, as a parent, and the teachers at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni, have learned through experience that emotional authenticity leads to more stable and balanced relationships with children. And not only in the classroom. In many families from our community, parents choose to be honest with their children, and the results can be seen in their children\u2019s emotional security.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents\u2019 acknowledged mistakes help children learn.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Children do not learn only from what they are told, but especially from what they observe. And if you, as a parent, acknowledge your mistakes and talk about them honestly, you show them that vulnerability is not a weakness, but an act of courage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marc Brackett, a professor at Yale and author of the book Permission to Feel<\/em>, argues that parents\u2019 authentic expression of emotions provides children with a healthy model for emotional regulation\u00b2. He shows that when children observe an adult acknowledging a mistake and talking about what they feel, they learn through imitation not to be ashamed of their own errors\u00b3. Thus, mistakes are no longer perceived as a threat, but as a relational opportunity that strengthens trust between the child and the adult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this is precisely the model cultivated at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni, where teachers use mistakes as starting points for learning, rather than for rigid correction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children develop better in imperfect but authentic relationships.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, in their desire not to make mistakes, parents end up becoming rigid spectators in their own relationship with their child. They carefully choose their words, hide their emotions, and pretend to be calm, believing that this is how they set a good example. But children sense what is not genuine and can only learn from real, living relationships, not from perfectly performed roles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bren\u00e9 Brown, a researcher in the field of vulnerability, shows that an authentic relationship always requires enough space for mistakes, contradictory emotions, and imperfection\u2074. She emphasizes that in perfectionist families, children often come to believe that they must \u201cearn\u201d<\/em>affection, proving they are worthy through exemplary behavior.\n\nInstead, when a child observes that the adult is not always \u201cright\u201d<\/em>or \u201ccalm,\u201d<\/em>but can repair the relationship and express affection, they learn that security does not come from rigidity, but from emotional continuity\u2075.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is the same perspective that we apply daily at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni\u2014a place where mistakes are viewed as necessary experiences for development, not as failures to be avoided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give up excessive control and you will raise a more autonomous child.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes the best lessons come precisely from failures. Children do not need to be protected from every mistake, but they do need an adult who can accompany them through the process of understanding.\n\nAutonomy cannot be learned if parents do everything for their children, but rather when they trust that their child will succeed\u2014even if not necessarily on the first attempt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jessica Lahey explains that children\u2019s autonomy develops better when parents allow them to make mistakes and do not constantly intervene to prevent them\u2076. She argues that a child who is not immediately rescued from every difficulty will learn to trust their own resources.\n\nMoreover, Lahey maintains that a parent who accepts the emotional discomfort of allowing their child to make mistakes is actually offering the greatest educational gift: the experience of managing failure\u2077. These lessons lead not only to autonomy but also to greater resilience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We cultivate autonomy at Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni<\/a>as well, where our teachers create active learning environments and encourage children to take personal responsibility when appropriate, giving them the space to make mistakes and find their own way back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ultimately, no one wants to make mistakes in front of their own child. But when it happens and you choose to remain open, honest, and involved, you create more than a lesson\u2014you create a relationship.\n\nYour child learns that love is not conditional on success, that mistakes are not the end of the world, but rather a possible new beginning. And that vulnerability does not make you weaker, but brings you closer to the people you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At Iepura\u0219ul Boc\u0103nil\u0103 Primary School in Berceni, we encourage parents to create a climate of trust where children can make mistakes without fear. Therefore, do not aim to become a perfect parent. Aim to be present\u2014with everything that you are.\n\nAllow mistakes to become examples, repair things when they hurt, and explain when something is not understood. Because within your imperfections lies exactly the space your child needs to grow, accept themselves, and, later on, allow themselves to make mistakes as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

References:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b9 Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment<\/em>. London: Hogarth Press.
\u00b2 Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive<\/em>. Celadon Book.
\u00b3 Idem.
\u2074 Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead<\/em>. Gotham Books, p. 120.
\u2075 Idem.
\u2076 Lahey, J. (2015). The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed<\/em>. Harper Books, p. 44.
\u2077 Idem.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 p\u0103rin\u021bi care \u00ee\u0219i propun s\u0103 nu gre\u0219easc\u0103 niciodat\u0103. S\u0103 anticipeze tot ce ar putea merge prost, s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103 cu<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":31216,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[163],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-diverse"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nP\u0103rin\u021bi perfec\u021bi vs. p\u0103rin\u021bi reali- ce au observat profii de la scoala primara Berceni<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ce \u00eenva\u021b\u0103 copiii c\u00e2nd p\u0103rin\u021bii gre\u0219esc? 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