Perfect Parents vs. Real Parents: What Teachers at a Primary School in Berceni Have Observed

There are parents who set out never to make mistakes. They try to anticipate everything that could go wrong, respond calmly to every difficult moment, and always be a role model worth following. We have met such parents at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni as well, and this has brought us joy, because we wish every child to have responsible parents who are willing to take ownership of the things within their control.

Children do not need perfect parents. They need real parents—parents who make mistakes but know how to repair them, parents who explain what they have learned from past failures. Perfection does not educate. It may bring people closer for a while, but it does not build truly deep relationships. When you let go of the ideal of being the “perfect parent,” you make room for a different kind of relationship: one that is more honest, more human, and more lasting. This approach is also encouraged and integrated into the relational education philosophy at our primary school for grades 1–4.

The teachers at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni are not perfect, because that would create anxiety for children.

When you try to be a flawless parent, every mistake becomes a personal failure. You no longer react naturally, but instead control every gesture, hoping that you can eliminate any form of discomfort for your child. In reality, it is precisely this rigidity that breaks the thread of an authentic relationship.

Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, introduced the term“good enough parent,”explaining that small mistakes made by adults do not harm the child; on the contrary, they help the child gradually adapt to reality¹. A parent who accepts imperfection does not give in to chaos, but builds a healthy relationship in which the child learns to manage real emotions and challenges, not an impossible ideal to achieve.

You, as a parent, and the teachers at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni, have learned through experience that emotional authenticity leads to more stable and balanced relationships with children. And not only in the classroom. In many families from our community, parents choose to be honest with their children, and the results can be seen in their children’s emotional security.

Parents’ acknowledged mistakes help children learn.

Children do not learn only from what they are told, but especially from what they observe. And if you, as a parent, acknowledge your mistakes and talk about them honestly, you show them that vulnerability is not a weakness, but an act of courage.

Marc Brackett, a professor at Yale and author of the book Permission to Feel, argues that parents’ authentic expression of emotions provides children with a healthy model for emotional regulation². He shows that when children observe an adult acknowledging a mistake and talking about what they feel, they learn through imitation not to be ashamed of their own errors³. Thus, mistakes are no longer perceived as a threat, but as a relational opportunity that strengthens trust between the child and the adult.

And this is precisely the model cultivated at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni, where teachers use mistakes as starting points for learning, rather than for rigid correction.

Children develop better in imperfect but authentic relationships.

Sometimes, in their desire not to make mistakes, parents end up becoming rigid spectators in their own relationship with their child. They carefully choose their words, hide their emotions, and pretend to be calm, believing that this is how they set a good example. But children sense what is not genuine and can only learn from real, living relationships, not from perfectly performed roles.

Brené Brown, a researcher in the field of vulnerability, shows that an authentic relationship always requires enough space for mistakes, contradictory emotions, and imperfection⁴. She emphasizes that in perfectionist families, children often come to believe that they must “earn”affection, proving they are worthy through exemplary behavior. Instead, when a child observes that the adult is not always “right”or “calm,”but can repair the relationship and express affection, they learn that security does not come from rigidity, but from emotional continuity⁵.

It is the same perspective that we apply daily at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni—a place where mistakes are viewed as necessary experiences for development, not as failures to be avoided.

Give up excessive control and you will raise a more autonomous child.

Sometimes the best lessons come precisely from failures. Children do not need to be protected from every mistake, but they do need an adult who can accompany them through the process of understanding. Autonomy cannot be learned if parents do everything for their children, but rather when they trust that their child will succeed—even if not necessarily on the first attempt.

Jessica Lahey explains that children’s autonomy develops better when parents allow them to make mistakes and do not constantly intervene to prevent them⁶. She argues that a child who is not immediately rescued from every difficulty will learn to trust their own resources. Moreover, Lahey maintains that a parent who accepts the emotional discomfort of allowing their child to make mistakes is actually offering the greatest educational gift: the experience of managing failure⁷. These lessons lead not only to autonomy but also to greater resilience.

We cultivate autonomy at Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Bercenias well, where our teachers create active learning environments and encourage children to take personal responsibility when appropriate, giving them the space to make mistakes and find their own way back.

Ultimately, no one wants to make mistakes in front of their own child. But when it happens and you choose to remain open, honest, and involved, you create more than a lesson—you create a relationship. Your child learns that love is not conditional on success, that mistakes are not the end of the world, but rather a possible new beginning. And that vulnerability does not make you weaker, but brings you closer to the people you love.

At Iepurașul Bocănilă Primary School in Berceni, we encourage parents to create a climate of trust where children can make mistakes without fear. Therefore, do not aim to become a perfect parent. Aim to be present—with everything that you are. Allow mistakes to become examples, repair things when they hurt, and explain when something is not understood. Because within your imperfections lies exactly the space your child needs to grow, accept themselves, and, later on, allow themselves to make mistakes as well.

References:

¹ Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. London: Hogarth Press.
² Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive. Celadon Book.
³ Idem.
⁴ Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books, p. 120.
⁵ Idem.
⁶ Lahey, J. (2015). The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Harper Books, p. 44.
⁷ Idem.